I don't think you'd want to be there for that conversation.
[The last time Cain and Deimos admitted their feelings ended up with both of them trying to attack the other. Besides, Deimos doesn't want Abel there to see how humiliated he is by the whole situation regarding his own feelings. With a heavy sigh, Deimos drags his hands down his face- roughly wiping away the tears that threatened to spill and easing the tension out of his system. He remains quiet for a bit, staring hard at his lap as he tries not to drown in his own hurtful sorrow.]
This is hard for me too. [His voice drops in volume. All he can do to keep himself from not speaking is lock his hands tightly together in a hard grip.] Maybe even harder.
[The conversation becomes briefly broken as Deimos tries to surmise how difficult this entire situation is for the three of them. More importantly- how it'll be difficult for him to recover from this awful mess. Admitting he had feelings for Cain still leaves him burning with embarrassment and while he did give the Reliant the opportunity they needed to escape, it's still left Deimos with the knowledge that he's still alone in this world. That's a difficult truth to get over.
But it'll be something he'll have to get over by talking things out with Cain and making things right with Abel.
Gently he grabs the hankerchief left out for him by Abel, wringing it in his hands.]
Because I might be too delicate and uncomfortable watching you two try to talk about your feelings? Deimos after what the three of us just went through, I can assure you, there is very little that would shock or upset me at this point.
[He doesn't like the implication that he couldn't handle a conversation between Deimos and Cain, that Deimos would be doing him some kind of favor releasing him from a burden. He likes it even less that Deimos thinks he can hide behind things like refusing Abel's handkerchief and denying he needs to let anything out, then turn around and imply that Abel would be the one who would be uncomfortable and that the situation is hard-- like Abel was somehow unaware of that fact. And yet Abel has offered help only to have it be rejected with a subtle reminder that this is so hard for Deimos.]
[Abel watches coolly as Deimos finally picks up the handkerchief to worry it. It's a start, he guesses.]
You should. I think the sooner you both air this out and take ownership of what happened, the sooner you'll stop feeling sorry for yourself.
[That's his assessment, and he's sticking to it.]
I don't know how you arrived at the conclusion that this is harder for you than for any of us, we all hurt as a result of this. I've spent this entire conversation trying to understand your pain and not wave mine around, because I'm not interested in whether it's more or less. It's just different. I didn't forgive Cain because my pain was less than his, I forgave him because he helped me understand his pain.
And I think I understand yours, despite your attempts to keep me as an onlooker. But Cain's not looking for this like I am. You need to speak clearly to him so that both of you can be on the same page. Until then, he's going to go on feeling responsible for your choices and you're going to keep up outward appearances while resenting it. Are you really so sure you've forgiven him if you're convinced this situation has been the hardest on you?
[Abel's words sting, digging deeply into Deimos as he wrings the handkerchief tight. He frowns hard at the words being spoken to him. The truth is there, plainly laid out in front of him and Abel won't let him worm his way out of responsibility in acknowledging the truth. Abel's too good with his words to let him go that easily, and much too kind of a person to simply believe that Deimos has shared all his pain. Deimos realizes this and can't help but flinch.]
Fuck. [The curse is soft- audible only because it's the two of them talking face to face.] You're right.
[His whole body eases up from the tension he'd been holding onto, relaxing into the couch. It won't do him any good to see himself as the victim here. They're all victims in their own ways after all.
He opens his mouth to say something and nothing comes out. Instead a steady stream of tears paints his face. He may have been honest with Abel about what happened back then with why he'd outed Cain as a liar. Even more honest with Cain about coming back to help them. Though he told Abel of his initial hurt, he really hasn't opened up to the Reliant duo about his fears of returning home. He hadn't even begun to consider that Cain may have felt responsible for the actions he's taken. The last thing he wants is a rift in their friendship over assumed feelings.
Abel's right. The sooner they talk, the sooner they can rightfully see each other taking ownership for the things that happened, the sooner they can let go of this resentment and pain. The sooner he'll stop feeling sorry for himself and stop dreading something that may never happen.
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no subject
[The last time Cain and Deimos admitted their feelings ended up with both of them trying to attack the other. Besides, Deimos doesn't want Abel there to see how humiliated he is by the whole situation regarding his own feelings. With a heavy sigh, Deimos drags his hands down his face- roughly wiping away the tears that threatened to spill and easing the tension out of his system. He remains quiet for a bit, staring hard at his lap as he tries not to drown in his own hurtful sorrow.]
This is hard for me too. [His voice drops in volume. All he can do to keep himself from not speaking is lock his hands tightly together in a hard grip.] Maybe even harder.
[The conversation becomes briefly broken as Deimos tries to surmise how difficult this entire situation is for the three of them. More importantly- how it'll be difficult for him to recover from this awful mess. Admitting he had feelings for Cain still leaves him burning with embarrassment and while he did give the Reliant the opportunity they needed to escape, it's still left Deimos with the knowledge that he's still alone in this world. That's a difficult truth to get over.
But it'll be something he'll have to get over by talking things out with Cain and making things right with Abel.
Gently he grabs the hankerchief left out for him by Abel, wringing it in his hands.]
I'll talk to him.
no subject
[He doesn't like the implication that he couldn't handle a conversation between Deimos and Cain, that Deimos would be doing him some kind of favor releasing him from a burden. He likes it even less that Deimos thinks he can hide behind things like refusing Abel's handkerchief and denying he needs to let anything out, then turn around and imply that Abel would be the one who would be uncomfortable and that the situation is hard-- like Abel was somehow unaware of that fact. And yet Abel has offered help only to have it be rejected with a subtle reminder that this is so hard for Deimos.]
[Abel watches coolly as Deimos finally picks up the handkerchief to worry it. It's a start, he guesses.]
You should. I think the sooner you both air this out and take ownership of what happened, the sooner you'll stop feeling sorry for yourself.
[That's his assessment, and he's sticking to it.]
I don't know how you arrived at the conclusion that this is harder for you than for any of us, we all hurt as a result of this. I've spent this entire conversation trying to understand your pain and not wave mine around, because I'm not interested in whether it's more or less. It's just different. I didn't forgive Cain because my pain was less than his, I forgave him because he helped me understand his pain.
And I think I understand yours, despite your attempts to keep me as an onlooker. But Cain's not looking for this like I am. You need to speak clearly to him so that both of you can be on the same page. Until then, he's going to go on feeling responsible for your choices and you're going to keep up outward appearances while resenting it. Are you really so sure you've forgiven him if you're convinced this situation has been the hardest on you?
no subject
Fuck. [The curse is soft- audible only because it's the two of them talking face to face.] You're right.
[His whole body eases up from the tension he'd been holding onto, relaxing into the couch. It won't do him any good to see himself as the victim here. They're all victims in their own ways after all.
He opens his mouth to say something and nothing comes out. Instead a steady stream of tears paints his face. He may have been honest with Abel about what happened back then with why he'd outed Cain as a liar. Even more honest with Cain about coming back to help them. Though he told Abel of his initial hurt, he really hasn't opened up to the Reliant duo about his fears of returning home. He hadn't even begun to consider that Cain may have felt responsible for the actions he's taken. The last thing he wants is a rift in their friendship over assumed feelings.
Abel's right. The sooner they talk, the sooner they can rightfully see each other taking ownership for the things that happened, the sooner they can let go of this resentment and pain. The sooner he'll stop feeling sorry for himself and stop dreading something that may never happen.
Somehow Abel's figured him out, yet again.]
Fuck.